On Unfairness and Victimhood
Unless you change, you will feel like a victim for the rest of your life
Since the widespread adoption of social media in around 2012, we have become more and more aware of all of the unfairness of life.
Social media content that makes us feel as though society has treated us unfairly in some way or another pushes our buttons, gets our attention and our likes and comments. As such, social media has become absolutely full to the brim with complaining.
One day, someone posts a meme like this:
An audience of thousands of men have their own thoughts of victimhood validated by the meme. They think: Yeah! See! Life is unfair for me because I’m a man!
Some have become absolutely obsessed with taking note of exactly who is privileged and who is disadvantaged. For some, the privileged among us are white, straight, male and heterosexual, while anyone not belonging to that group is a victim.
The black pillers have become obsessed with how living as an ugly person is unfair. They’re obsessed with the way in which attractive people are treated better by society than ugly people.
On social media, on and on they complain. Round and round in circles they go, validating each other’s experience of unfairness.
An audience of thousands have their own thoughts of victimhood validated. They think: Yeah! See! Life is unfair because I’m ugly!
And on and on it goes. Millions of different groups circling around and around. Look how unfair life is to me! Yeah! Life is unfair for people like us! Yeah you’re right! Yeah! Life isn’t fair for me!
What utter pathological madness social media has created in people.
But I’m a woman and we live in an oppressive patriarchy! I’m a victim!
But I’m a man and we live an oppressive matriarchy! I’m a victim!
But I’m ugly and society discriminates against me!
But I’m Muslim and society is Islamophobic!
But I’m black and I’m a victim of systemic racism!
But I’m a white man and the media hates us!
But I’m transgender and we live in a transphobic society!
And on and on it goes. Circling around and around.
You read this and think: But wait! I really AM a victim! Life is unfair for me for reason X! And reason Y! And reason Z!
Yes. I’m sure you’re right. I’m sure if you think about it deeply enough, you can find multiple, genuine reasons why life is unfair for you. I’m sure you could write entire essays explaining exactly and specifically how you and your group have been treated unfairly.
I’m sure you could bring up statistics to back up your points. I’m sure you could argue to prove exactly how life treats you unfairly until the sun goes down. And I’m sure you would have plenty of perfectly valid points.
Nevertheless, it’s time to drop it now. Let it go.
Life is unfair. Why did you ever expect it to be any different?
Each and every single individual on this earth is treated unfairly by life in their own specific way.
- One woman is born with multiple sclerosis.
- One man is grows up with an alcoholic father who beats him every single day.
- One 28 year old woman is looked over for a promotion because the boss is worried she might have children soon.
- One man gets no matches on dating apps because he was born with a big nose, droopy eyes and an unattractive face.
- One naturally beautiful woman can’t find a man who will look past her looks and love her for her real personality.
- One Asian man gets attacked on the street by a racist.
- One man gets falsely accused of rape and loses his job over the allegations.
- One man’s wife divorces him, takes the kids, the house and 50% of the assets he worked his whole life for.
- One woman is raped by a stranger at a party.
- One short man struggles to find a girlfriend because of his height.
- One obese woman is treated badly at work because of her weight.
- One man is mildly autistic and finds it hard to get by in a society built for neurotypicals.
And on and on it goes. Round and around.
If you choose to focus on it, you can find ways that you’re a victim. If you focus on it, you can find all of the ways that life treats you unfairly in your own specific way.
Each and every individual is a unique creation. And as such, each and every individual is victimised by life in their own unique way.
You can spend a lifetime trying to figure out exactly who has been treated the most unfairly on a set of imaginary scales.
Person A: I’m a black woman!
Person B: Yeah? Well I’m a black lesbian woman!
Person C: Yeah? Well I’m a black, lesbian, trans woman!
Person D: Yeah? Well I’m a black, lesbian, trans woman who grew up in an abusive household!
Person E: Yeah? Well I’m a black, lesbian, trans woman who grew up in an abusive household and have a chronic illness!
Persona F: Yeah? Well I’m a black, lesbian, trans woman who grew up in an abusive household, have a chronic illness and I have ADHD!
The minority categories continue to fractionate and fractionate, until eventually you get all the way down to the ultimate minority: the individual.
“The smallest minority on earth is the individual”
Life is inherently unfair from the day you are born.
Some babies die in the womb before ever being let out into the world. Is that fair?
Some children get cancer at the age of 5. Is that fair?
Is it fair that the weak gazelle gets targeted and eaten by the hungry lion?
If you’re looking for fairness in the universe, you aren’t going to find it anywhere.
Unfairness can be brought up in the political arena, in a calm and collected way, when change is necessary and when suffering can be alleviated in some way or another to a particular group. Unfairness can sometimes be resolved through politics to a certain, very limited extent.
But unfairness can never and will never be eliminated from life or society.
What good will come with constantly focusing on the exact, precise ways that you’ve been treated unfairly by life? What are you expecting to achieve by complaining about it all the time?
Are you expecting some kind of sky god to come down from the heavens and confirm it to you, “You’re right! You’ve been treated unfairly in exactly the way that you think you have!”
Yes. You’re a victim. Yes. Life is unfair for you, specifically. For exactly the reasons you’re thinking of right now.
It’s time to let it go. Let your heart unclench. Accept the unfairness of life. Stop complaining about being a victim and play the field as it lays.
Laugh along with the unfairness that life deals you. After all, there is beauty to be found in our brutally unfair world.
And stop letting dumb social media posts trigger you back into that poisonous victim mindset.
That’s enough now. It’s time to let it go.
“The world belongs to those who let go.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
